Believing Fate

Have you ever feel like you're extremely tired of everything, like literally everything?
Tired of hoping, of believing, of trying, of smiling,
even tired of standing for your own self.

Like everything you want is just for time to stop tickling and let you sleep for a long time.
Hoping that when you finally wake up, every thing's back to normal,
so you can live your life back from the start,
rearranging all the mess and repair all the broken things.

I have been there.
It was my darkest days,
sequence of worst nightmares.

But as ordinary as I am,
the only thing I could do was letting those feelings slide continuously,
until I was tired of myself.
Yet I kept doing it in repeat.

My lungs ran out of air,
my whole body trembled,
I was dizzy.
It was hard to breathe.
I felt as if I wanted to cry out loud, but couldn't.
I was hurt, but unable to find what really hurt me.

By that time, you'll find me sitting in front of the big screen,
watching the saddest movie ever existed,
shedding out as many tears I can.

If God gives me a chance to turn back in time,
I swore I won't get stuck in the same holes all over again.
I will avoid doing my old mistakes,
and take every new step carefully, passionately.

Well, that's likely will never be true.

God knows better.
And He really does.
He knows what we actually need,
what suits us the best,
what's ahead of us.
He knows every reason behind each occasions,
He teach us lessons through pains,
He always chooses the best decisions.

And I am grateful of that, of everything He gave me.

I believe in fate, as one of God's gorgeous plan settled for us.
The fate, however, can sometimes seemed unpleasant in our eyes,
but my past taught me that,
the best journey leads to the best ending sometimes doesn't have beautiful start.
Otherwise, it may look like a rough, barren way with pungent, hard rocks all over it.

Even if I meet a dead end, my spirit won't lose hope.
Even if I've got to crawl all the way to the end,
I'll pull it off.
Even if I have to stumble in every step I make,
I'll hold on.


Because He knows I am able to reach the finish line.